Thursday, July 8, 2010

A New Thing

Several times in my life, I've been scared out of my wits. Afraid that I was going to lose something. A job, a boyfriend, a home, a child, my husband. These fears haven't been irrational. There has been good reason to believe something was to be taken, or lost. My fear comes from well-honed radar  finely-tuned out of childhood loss. Too finely tuned sometimes.

So in this process of the journaling class, I'm having a difficulty remembering all about what I love and want and wish and dream. This could very well be a normal part of being a mom, having a job, being a wife. But I do feel that a part of me is hidden. From me. I find that scary. Very scary in fact. I don't really want to be less of me.

But to be more of Him, I am to be less of me.

This morning I spent a little time on Ann's blog and these words sang out to me as she shared this story about a very hearty rose giving testament:

What is dead may be dormant and what is barren may be about to bear and wild things can somehow find a way to bloom.

And she brought me back to the words of God through Isaiah. The words that have brought comfort to me and millions over the centuries:

For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

That's it. He is doing something new. He has lead me to these waters. It is mine to drink. To do the work. To see what He is doing. The loss may be the motivation to be aware. But God is the one who is doing the new thing. With me.

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